how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
