I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
