We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
