I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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