'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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