yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
