I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
