and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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