Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
