JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
