If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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