I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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