i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
