I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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