I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize