I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
