i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
