I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
