Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
