just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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