dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
