my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
