If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Will you blow on my dice?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
