I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
