Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
