I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
