i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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