I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
