I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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