Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
