Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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