I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
