Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
