That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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