Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
