the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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