If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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