Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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