Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
