So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
