A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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