I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
