I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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