please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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