I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
