I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
