Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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