I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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