I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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