You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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