i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
time to smoke my breakfast
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
